14th June 2008, the Planetkill Tour Challenge!

9 stores, 8 hours, 2 brothers, 1 author, no chance?
Inspired, some would say misguided, by the regular Top Gear Challenges, Richard decided to set himself a herculean task to celebrate the release of Planetkill. The challenge? To visit every single Games Workshop store selling copies of Planetkill within London and sign every copy in a single day! That's nine stores in eight hours, from Kingston to Wood Green, from Brent Cross to Bromley. Find out how Richard and his brother Nick got along in the 9 store, 8 hour Planetkill Tour Challenge below.


Nick and Richard at Waterloo at the beginning of the day

It was the day before the release of Planetkill, which included the Relentless prequel story Mortal Fuel. With my trademark forward planning it was only then that I was wondering where I should go for the launch.

It all seemed rational enough at the beginning... when Relentless was released I had tried to get around as many GW stores as possible and I had enjoyed it a great deal. With Planetkill, however, I wanted to do more than a single signing in a single store. I wanted to visit several. There were still 5 GW stores in London that I hadn't visited after Relentless was released, so I definitely wanted to introduce myself there, but equally I wanted to revisit my friends in the stores I _had_ visited.

The thought gradually dawned upon me, what about visiting them all? There are 9 GW stores within range of a zone 1-6 day travelcard, and 8 hours from 10am to 6pm to visit them all.


The day could have been retitled the 'getting the most from your travelcard' challenge!

It sounded like it could be done. It sounded like it _should_ be done! The 9 stores, 8 hours, 2 brothers, 1 author challenge was on!

When I first thought about it, it didn't seem that much of a challenge. 9 stores in 8 hours? That meant a little under an hour for each; then if I wanted to spend, say, half an hour in each store for greeting and signing, that would still leave me half an hour to get from one store to the next. Surely, that would be enough time? That was before I looked on the Transport for London website and realised how wrong I was.


The day primarily consisted of spending a lot of time on public transport, anxiously watching the clock


Though Richard did snatch time to continue work on his next novel Reiksguard... (sorry, mr. editor, this one may be a little late)

I looked up the estimated time of my travel and summed it up. Four hours, and that didn't include the walking time at either end, or for anything to go wrong. I would obviously have to make some changes. I ran a whole bunch of different routes through the website and managed to reduce the total travel time to about 3 hours 20 mins, but it would go no further. I had to cut more and so, with great reluctance, I decided I'd have to halve the time I spent in each store. What was the point of doing this at all if each visit was nothing more than popping my head through the door? 15 minutes was the absolute minimum to make it worthwhile. So with that in place, the numbers became clear:
8 hours from open to close = 480mins
less - 15mins x 9 stores = 135mins
less - travel on public transport = 202mins
Time remaining = 143mins

So over two hours for walking time and incidents? This was going to be easy...


The schedule half-way through the day... No plan survives contact with the enemy

By the next morning, however, I wasn't so confident. I corralled my brother Nick to come along as well to act as photographer and de facto schedule-keeper. And so we decided to sneakily head out to GW Kingston, the store furthest from London centre, to be there when they opened and the clock started ticking.


9:59am Waiting for GW Kingston's doors to open.


10am We're off!

We got there in good time and were the first ones in through the door when it opened promptly at ten. The staffers, to their credit, reacted calmly to this wild-eyed man bursting through their day with bizarre claims of a quest. After I took a breat and explained in less mad tones who I was and what I was doing they readily dug their copies of Planetkill and Relentless out of their delivery and I started signing! Nick, meanwhile, decided that that was the perfect time to ask for an intro-game and explore the new 40K rules...


The first copy to be signed of the day


Richard wasted even more time with his special extended signature for the occasion!


Richard with GW Kingston staffer Dan!

Once the copies were signed, hands shaken and traitors duly blown to smithereens, we were off again. I'd have liked to spend more time in Kingston, but I knew I would be back there in a few weeks for a formal signing in any case. Today was only about the challenge!

We grabbed the 10:19 train on schedule and bundled off the train at Wimbledon. There we passed the time for our interchange discussing the merits of the new Tau codex and whether or not it can be used to attract women. Our conclusion was, well, it any codex could that would probably be the one (the Sisters of Battle dropped from first place after they were rebranded 'Witchhunters' - not a name that'll draw the ladies to ya).


If there's no GW here, what the heck are we doing in Wimbledon?

From Wimbledon there was a train to Sutton, where we finally tracked down the Sutton store amidst the New York-esque splendour of the Times Square shopping centre. Mike, the lone GW staffer on duty, was conducting a many-armed Durga like task of running an intro game, selling at the till and supervising the painters all at once. By sheer chance, one of the customers happened to work at the Waterstone's up the hill and invited us to come along and sign his stock also. Despite Nick's pointed examination of our schedule and comments about 'not adding stops', I couldn't resist. This was obviously serenpidity. So we headed along to Waterstone's with our new guide, Kenny, except that half way there I discovered that I had left my bag back at the store. Nick ran back to get it, ever more aware of the ticking clock, and Kenny and I went on. We arrived there only to discover that their copies of Planetkill had not yet arrived! Instead, I signed their copy of Relentless and thankfully Nick appeared in time with my bag. We exchanged warm farewells with Kenny, with promises to come back when Reiksguard was released. It was great to meet him, but we both knew it had cost us time.


Signing at GW Sutton


The multi-tasking Mike of GW Sutton


Waterstone's in Sutton - no delivery yet!


Richard and Waterstone's top bloke Kenny


Nick recreates returning Richard's bag in suitably heroic style

The train we had to catch was one to Mitcham Junction. There's normally a direct rain link between Sutton and Croydon (our next stop), but today that wasn't the case. Instead we had to change at Mitcham Junction onto a tram that would take us to Croydon. But we only had three minutes to get back up the hill to the station and onto that train to keep on schedule. Nick and I both knew we weren't going to make it, so the mad dash became a brisk stride. I knew there was a bus replacement service to Croydon instead, and we could catch it at the station (though it would take longer). I asked a TFL employee where it stopped, only to be told that due to industrial action the buses weren't running and so the direct rail link had been restarted! We were back on schedule, even managing to pick up some time, the stop off at Waterstone's had all been serendipity indeed!

In Croydon, though, there were signals of what was to come. It was noon now and the streets were getting busy. Crowds could only mean delays, and finding GW Croydon was hard enough in the maze of the Centrale shopping centre. After getting directions from a security guard, we got there bang on time and were greeted with a warm reception. GW Kingston had apparently rung ahead, and so the store manager, Kevin, had the piles of Planetkill and Relentless waiting ready to be signed.


The streets start to get crowded in Croydon


GW Croydon - 12:10pm



Richard appears a little undead, but no less happy to meet GW Croydon manager Kevin

Having made fast friends with the staff and some customers there, we headed on. The next leg to Bromley was always going to be tricky. There wasn't a direct rail route and the TFL's alternative looked to take over an hour! We had planned, instead, to get a tram to Beckenham Junction and change there onto the train to Bromley South. I'd never caught one of these South London trams before and so was little hesitant. One of the staffers in Croydon however, had a better alternative. The 119 Bus would take me straight there. We followed his directions to the Croydon clock tower and a 119 was just rolling up. Local advice was apparently the way to go!


The Croydon clock tower, local landmark...


...and a stop on the route for the 119 to Bromley

What we hoped would be a speedy journey, however, turned out to be a winding odyssey around green suburbs. It got us right to GW Bromley on schedule, but there was no time made up. I knew the Bromley staffers quite well, having signed there on Black Library Day only a few weeks before. One staffer named Wayne had enjoyed Relentless so much that he bought a second copy just to have one signed! Now that _is_ relentless!


GW Bromley - 1:18pm


Richard with the relentless Wayne of GW Bromley

From Bromley, it was the big sweep from south east London to GW Kensington. Due to the vagaries of the rail system it was actually quicker to get from Bromley to Victoria in the west, than it was from Kingston that appeared much closer. The train was quick, but it stank like a toilet, and it was with no regrets that we said our goodbyes to the rail network. It was 2:02pm and we were bang on time and feeling great. It wasn't long though, before we had plenty of reason to wish we were back on that stinky ol' train once again.

From Victoria, we had planned to get the Circle Line to High Street Kensington. The luck we had been riding on was about to run out. The Circle Line was delayed, still obviously suffering a hangover from the party to celebrate Boris' banning of the consumption of alcohol on public transport. Not just delayed a little bit, but delayed 25 minutes! We ummed and erred at what to do, but ultimately decided to get the next District line train to Gloucester Road and then walk from there. When I first come down to London, I was a slave to the tube system. I wasn't willing to go anywhere that I couldn't see on the underground map and I'd insist on taking the tube even the shortest distances so I didn't lose my bearings. However, after a few months, London started to fit together and I realised that with the time spent going down and up the underground a lot of adjacent stations were quicker to walk between than ride on the tube. It turns out that Gloucester Road and High Street Kensington aren't.


The last train, how we would miss its stench...


Victoria tube - what you can't see there is the next Circle line tube, because it was due in 25 minutes!

We struggled up Gloucester Road without a bus in sight. As beautiful as the houses were and as pleasant as the walk was, we weren't there for sightseeing; and even the majestic sight of Hyde Park was no comfort. We were behind schedule.


Nice place to live... wouldn't want to have to be the one to keep it clean, though!


Hyde Park

We finally arrived in the delightful little piazza that housed GW Kensington, 8 minutes late. But our spirits were lifted when we entered the store to a rousing cheer from the gamers around the table. Kensington, being one of the most affluent areas of London, naturally had one of the stingiest customers, who attempted to engage us in an elaborate haggling session tried to get Planetkill with barter, before he realised that we weren't empowered to sell him the GW stores stock (only graffiti on it!).


GW Kensington (it's there, honestly!) - 2:38pm


Richard and GW Kensington staffer Tom!

Then we had to make a fateful decision. How to get from Kensington to GW Plaza on Oxford Street. It was 2:55pm and we knew Oxford Street would be busy, but equally if the tube was playing up then we didn't want to have to wait 20 mins underground and then have to change onto the Central Line. In the end, I decided that we should take the bus. At least then we wouldn't be trapped underground if something went wrong.


The ill-fated number 10 bus

It was the worst possible decision I could have made. The bus, a number 10, absolutely crawled around the edge of Hyde Park, finally reached Marble Arch and then slammed into an Oxford Street absolutely choked with its own kind. The road was wall to wall buses, the pavement crammed with people. It got to 3:20pm. We should have already been at Plaza by then but we hadn't even made it to Oxford Circus. There was nothing for it, we got out and walked. In fact, we got out and ran as fast as the crowded streets would let us, running on the road with buses and taxis making the occasional attempt to run us down.


Oxford Street, packed with buses...


...packed with people

It took us 20mins, we got there when we should have been leaving, but at least we were there. We arrived, tired but ready to sign, only to discover that all the copies of Planetkill had already been sold that day!


GW Plaza - 3:44pm


Richard with GW Plaza manager 'Already Sold Out' Marc!

We contented ourselves with signing the copies of Relentless that were there, I drop into the Plaza store pretty often, so I knew the manager Marc wouldn't hold it against me if we ran out again. And ran out we did, or, more accurately, walked at this time (I'm an author, our lifestyle does not predispose us to running any further than to the microwave when our meal-for-one is ready).

The next stop was Covent Garden, and that meant even more crowds and even more delays (which, it being Covent Garden, included monocyclists, living statues, jugglers and opera singers).

GW Covent Garden, at least, had copies of Planetkill left. Or, more accurately, it had _one single_ copy of Planetkill left. I signed that and a couple more of Relentless and then we were off again. We were finally heading out of Central London, it was north to Brent Cross.


The highly cultural GW Covent Garden - 4:23pm


Richard with GW Covent Garden staffer 'Only one left' Brandon!

I'd picked up some good advice from Marc at Plaza that it was quicker to catch the Northern Line from Leicester Square than struggling back to Tottenham Court Road, and indeed it was. Back on public transport again, we had a chance to reflect on the damage the delays on Oxford street had done to our challenge. We'd been to seven GW stores that day, which was impressive, but not enough. It was 4:45pm, and so we'd averaged each store in less than an hour which was what I'd estimated we'd have to do to right back at the beginning.


The tube to Brent Cross (it's all very Neverwhere)

On the other hand, I had thought we'd pick up the extra time between Plaza and Covent Garden. The big chance to fit that extra store in was gone. Brent Cross and Wood Green were 38 mins apart by bus and there was nothing we could do to speed that up. If we could reach Brent Cross by 5pm, we could still make it onto a bus that would reach Wood Green just before it closed at 6pm.

We reached Brent Cross station at 5pm exactly. I'd looked at a map ahead of time and knew that the station wasn't right next to the shopping centre, and that there were some roads in between, but I figured that there would be some quick pedestrian underpass that would take me straight to it. Connecting the shopping centre with the tube station? It was obvious, right?

Wrong!

What I had forgotten was that we weren't in the pedestrian friendly London centre or south. We were high up in North London, where if you weren't driving a car, you weren't anybody. We weren't driving a car... and we very quickly realised that we were not welcome there.

We followed the signpost from the station pointing to the centre, only to discover it led us out onto a nice suburban street, with absolutely no indication of where to go from there. We ventured down the road and found ourself, bizarrely, on a dual carriageway with no obvious means to get across. We looked around, and it was there that we clapped eyes upon our greatest adversary yet.

Brent Cross station is divided from Brent Cross shopping centre by the Brent Cross flyover, which is the intersection of the A41 and the North Circular Road, the combination of fences, dual carriageways and a river make it impossible to dash across in the style of Frogger. There was a footbridge, though, nearby. It was missing its central span, however and closed. There appeared to be no other way across by foot, it was madness but there it was. The centre was in sight, only about 5 minutes walk away, and yet it looked as though we would have to get a bus to reach it!


The Brent Cross flyover - our greatest adversary


...we were at Stop Y by the way...


The unhelpfully condemned footbridge (condemned first by the council and then, repeatedly, by us!)

We waited, and waited. The chance of making it Wood Green had whistled past us like the long articulated lorries which were our only companions. The clock ticked on and we began to get the unnerving feeling that we might not even make it to the GW store in Brent Cross! To miss one store was excusable, but to miss two, especially so close to one, would be unbearable.

We grabbed the first random pedestrian we saw and asked for directions, his foreign accent added to the otherworldy atmosphere. He pointed towards the centre and said to just follow the road. With our heads full of doubts, and looking over our shoulder for a bus, we decided to go for it. We crossed a road, went under a bridge, found a footbridge, went through some trees, and finally, there it was Brent Cross shopping centre. From the same people who brought you the Imperial Armoured Bunker.


The 'well-signposted' pedestrian route to the shopping centre


Brent Cross Shopping Centre - from the same people who brought you the Armoured Bunker

We weren't going to make it to Wood Green, but we entered Brent Cross with our heads held high. Said hello to the friendly staffers, introduced ourselves, collected up the copies of Planetkill and settled in to while away the time until the store closed at 6pm, signing and chatting with the regulars.


GW Brent Cross - 5:37pm



A gurning Richard, holding the last copy of Planetkill to be signed (with his receipt poking out of it) with GW Brent Cross staffer Dimitar (great name, great guy)

6pm came around, and the game was still in full swing. I asked the staff when they closed and they told me they closed at the same time as the rest of the centre, at 7pm... damn.

So, by the end of the day, we repaired back to the tube at Brent Cross (through the woods, over the river, cross the bridge, down the yellow brick road) defeated but unbowed. We'd not completed the challenge, but we'd had a grand old time in the process. And then Nick mentioned that, though we didn't manage it with Planetkill, when Reiksguard was released there would be a chance next time...

Yes, I thought, next time, Gadget, next time...


Bloodied, but not broken!